the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
