shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
