i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
