I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
