its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
