yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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