I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
