I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize