I cockslap morals
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
