Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
