i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
