I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
