i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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