the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
