Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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