Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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