He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize