i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
