she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
