i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
