Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
