I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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