if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
