He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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