Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
