I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dicks are not precious.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
