come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
