You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
