If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
