U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
