And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is Oprah even human
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
