I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
