You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
