I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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