i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
