I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
