Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
