By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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