dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Mom said you looked used
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
