I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
