i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
