I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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