ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
