If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
