You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
