just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
