oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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