woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
