chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
