I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
