Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
