i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
