its not stalking. its research.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize