I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
