It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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