Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Randomize
