Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
