Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
