omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
