She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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