I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
