i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
