Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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