he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
