she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
