i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
