Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
