I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
